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Every couple starts out hot and heavy when they first meet. The woman always looks amazing, all glammed up and hot and the man never fails to take his time with every inch of you before he makes his home run move. However, after several years together and the addition of a few kids and countless responsibilities, the look of sweat pants and pony tails have likely invaded your sexy lingerie drawer and your husband is just eager to get it on and over with so he can catch the highlights on ESPN. Making sex feel more like a chore than the sensual experience that it’s supposed to be, can cause enormous issues in even the best of marriages. Here are a few of our favorite tips to bring the sexy back to your sex life.

Make the most of date night… Whether you have scheduled date nights once a week or once every few months, when you do get this quality time together try to make the most of it. Most couple’s go-to for date night is always the dinner and movie scenario but let’s be honest, a fancy dinner is nice but after three courses of fattening foods followed by a bucket of movie popcorn, you’ll both be more likely to head for the Pepto Bismol at night’s end then race for the bedroom. Instead, try something new. Hit a comedy club and then stop for drinks after. Go dancing at the newest night club or even try a healthy picnic by candlelight in the park. The point is to spend time together and recreate the intimacy that life seems to always manage to suck right out. So when push comes to shove, you may need to add a little more imagination to the evening than just dinner and a movie.

Grooming is important… While this may be a touchy subject for some, improper grooming (or lack of grooming altogether) can really take the sexy out of sex. Not to say that you have to be impeccable in every way possible, but at least pay attention to the important areas. Shave your legs and under your arms and tend to your intimate areas however you see fit. When you were single you would have never dreamed of heading to bed with a man if you were improperly groomed, so try to keep the same rule for your husband. By the way ladies, the rule goes both ways. If you’re spending extra time in the shower shaving and waxing, he should be doing the same. Never hesitate to let your man know the areas he needs to tend to in order to do his part in sexing things up.

Speak your mind…While being happy in your marriage may feel like a no brainer, being happy with your sex life may be a bit more challenging. The fact is that men require far less foreplay and fantasy play than women to become aroused and satisfied. Unfortunately, women find themselves either too embarrassed or too exhausted to let their husbands know what they need and instead of talking it out, end up faking it.  Next time, you’re in need of that extra mile in the bedroom; tell your husband what’s going on. Remember to be gentle, never attacking his ability or technique but instead make it seem like a suggestion that could only add to your already amazing sex life. Say things like, “I love it when you do _____ to me, I think you should do that tonight” or even something along the lines of, “Remember when we did ______? It’s been a while, want to try it tonight?”  Phrasing your desires in this way still lets him know what is missing without making him feel insecure.

Create atmosphere… If you want to feel sexy you have to create a sexy atmosphere. First and foremost, turn off the television. Unless you’re using your television to watch something sexually stimulating, it only acts as a distraction for both of you. Dim the lights or turn them off completely and light some candles. Add to the ambiance with some soft or sexy music and then get into the act. If lingerie is not your thing than just take your time slowly undressing each other. Remember to replace each article of clothing with a kiss or an embrace and check your insecurities at the door.

The secret to maintaining a happy marriage is to never take one another for granted, even in the bedroom. Take time to care for yourself and each other and make sex an event, not another detail on your to-do list.