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I like to think I do some of my best thinking at the gym.  The hour or so I’m working out is really the only time I have on any given day that is 100% for me.  I don’t have to talk to anyone, think about anyone, or worry about anyone.  It’s about me, just me alone with my brain, which can be kind of a double edge sword.  I mean I think of some great things — like a recipe for baked chocolate oatmeal, and some pretty crappy ones — like thinking I can do box jumps on the highest box they have.  I’m sure you’ve all had a million different, wonderful, and bizarre thoughts pass though your brain while you were getting your pump on, but I’m willing to bet most of us have had some similar ones.

I have to pee.  I don’t know if it’s because I have a serious case of the olds, but lately I have to pee all the time at the gym.  Literally seconds after I step on a treadmill, elliptical, or sit on a bike I have the urge.  I can hold it for a bit, but it’s kinda all I can think about while I’m doing my cardio.  At some point, I have to give in and just go pee.  It really blows having to take a few minutes out of every workout to pee.  I’m already pretty time crunched, and ain’t nobody got time for that.

Get out of my personal space.  I’m big on personal space, like very big on personal space.  I know when I work out at peak times I’m not going to have as much personal space as when it’s empty, but I should be able to stretch out my hamstrings without kicking someone.  And if I do kick you, guess what?  You totally deserve it.  I don’t care how crowded it is, there is no need to be right on top of me.  This goes double for classes.  Give me enough room to side lunge darn it!

I thought this sports bra was supposed to be industrial strength?  I don’t have big boobs, heck I don’t even have medium boobs, but every now and then I am acutely aware of how much they’re flopping around.  I don’t know how you big boobied ladies do it.  Do you you wear four bras?  God bless you.

Is that VPL?  Dreaded visible panty line. It has no business in the world, especially in the gym. If you’re buying decent workout gear, it’s been made to go undies-free, so please, go undies-free.  And ladies who do wear undies, isn’t in uncomfortable?  I personally can’t think of anything that would feel worse than deep squatting in a thong.

Do we have the same outfit on?  Does she look cuter than me?  There’s nothing worse than being out in public and seeing someone with the same thing on.  Actually, scratch that, there is something worse – it’s seeing someone in the same thing but in a size two, and stretching.  Maybe I’m nuts (I totally am), but when I see someone with the same yoga pants on I immediately wonder who would win in an US Weekly style “Who Wore It Better” showdown.

I have to pee, again.  Oh what’s that you say?  I just peed five minutes ago?  It doesn’t matter, I have to go again.

Am I done yet?  Am I done yet?  Am I done yet?  So that’s basically me doing cardio.  I hate cardio.  The second I start, I’m counting down, which totally makes it worse and makes it feel like it’s even longer. I’ll never learn.

Check out this guy doing pulls up like no big deal.  For the most part I don’t really pay any attention to the other people at the gym, but every once in a while I notice a guy doing pull ups or muscle ups and I’m just like “whoa”.  I am so jealous of anyone who can just bust out a set like no one’s business, but I appreciate anyone who can.  So a quick thanks to the dudes who momentarily distract me from how badly I have to pee.

Why am I beaming?  This may be edging into over-share territory, but does anyone else beam when they lift weights?  I know my gym isn’t freezing, but I’m always standing at attention.  I don’t know what it is, adrenaline maybe? Oh and as soon as I notice the turkey’s done, my next immediate thought is “are they straight?”

Must beat the class.  Tuesday and Thursday mornings my gym has jam-packed pilates classes.  If I don’t beat them to the shower, I’m adding about half an hour onto my getting ready time, and that’s a half hour I don’t have to spare.  Timing is everything, and you’ve got to time your workout to miss the class rush.

Do I look that ridiculous doing Supermans?  Yes, yes you do.  We all do, so don’t lose any sleep over it.

Did I leave the iron plugged in?  This isn’t gym specific, but I always worry that I left something plugged, so I’m sure you do too.  Every time I leave the house I have to think back if I unplugged the iron, hair straightener, and/or curling iron.  Every darn time.

Do you have to pee as soon as you start running?  Or maybe you worry about how you look during an exercise?  Or maybe you’ve never thought any of these things?  Maybe you are a workout machine who focuses on nothing other than whatever exercise they’re doing?  Well if you are one of those people, what’s your secret?  No seriously, please tell me how you do it.  Thanks!