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I watched a video not too long ago. It was a video of a woman who hated her body. To motivate herself to lose weight, she entered herself into a bikini contest and got into the best shape of her life. Problem was, after she hit her goal, SHE STILL HATED HER BODY. She picked herself apart until one day she realized — she was perfect just the way she was!

That video hit home with me. I was crying before 8:00 in the morning. I am who this woman used to be. I loathe my body. All I see in the mirror is that I’m no longer 125 pounds and thin and “perfect.” I look in the mirror and think I’m “frumpy and lumpy and fat.”

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I think back to hateful, hurtful things people have said about my body, all because I’m not as thin as them. Because – in their eyes – I’m not as good-looking as them.

Those thoughts plague my mind and I am going to stop giving those thoughts power.

This video really helped open my eyes.

It made me think back to just the other night, my husband standing there staring at me with this little smile on his face. I asked him, “What are you looking at?” And he says to me, “You have the most beautiful body. I love looking at you.”

Of course all I thought was, “This man must really love me ’cause he’s blind.”

And then I stopped, I remembered how our boys, every single time I come out of the room dressed and ready to go, makeup or not, they yell, “Mommy! You look beautiful!”

I don’t see it! But I’m making an effort to change that.

>> Read more: 5 Reasons to Throw Your Scale Away Today

I’ve been on the right track, working to eat right, work out and making healthy choices. But, it’s all been for the wrong reasons. It’s been to appease the eyes of those who look at me and see nothing but my imperfections. I am changing that mindset. This needs to be for me. This is for my family who wants to have me with them for the next 70 years. For my husband who wants to grow old with me.

I need to learn to love my body now or, like the woman in this video, I won’t when I finally hit my goal.

I may never be “perfect” again. But I have three people in my life who think I am – and that’s going to be enough for me.