Brace yourselves…it’s that time of the year again. Sloppy drunks, goofy dancing, ridiculous outfits. No, not Mardi Gras, its St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, St. Patrick’s Day became Halloween 2.0. Wigs, ridiculous costumes, weird props…how did this happen? I mean, you don’t see people out in lederhosen and feasting on bratwurst on the feast of Saint Anskar (patron saint of Germany for all you heathens out there), do you? So why St. Patrick? I mean green isn’t even an easy color to wear. Right about now you might be saying to yourself “but Heather, I love dressing for a theme”, and I hear you, because I do too. I might go as far as to say that no one likes dressing for a theme more than me, planning an outfit is kind of what I live for. But dressing for St. Patrick’s Day (or any theme for that matter) doesn’t mean you have to dress like a dope, you can still go out in the world looking like an attractive, contributing member of society. Not sure how to pull it off, just follow my tips for swapping out obnoxious St. Patrick’s Day gear for something more stylish.
- “Kiss me I’m sh!faced” button. First of all congratulations on supporting a negative stereotype (did I spell “congratulations” wrong? I’ve been drinking Irish coffee since 10am, so stuff is starting to get a little fuzzy). Yeah I get it, the day is all about boozing it up and us Irish folks are Dee-runks, but how about instead of a tasteless pin you class it up a little with a pretty Celtic cross broach? I love mine; it instantly ups the Irish on whatever I’m wearing. Case in point – I wore it with a chambray shirt and leather pencil skirt the other night and it looked fantastic.
- Shamrock antennae. How old are you? You look ridiculous, take those off right now and throw them away. It’s cool you want your head to be festive, but you look dumb, unless you’re under 13, then you look adorable and don’t change a thing. I think we can do a lot better. Why not try a fascinator, or a feathered headband or clip? And not a cheapo looking one, but a real one, from a real store with beautiful greenish peacock feathers…nothing with feathers that look like they were plucked from a green feather boa you stole from a leprechaun burlesque review.
- Giant green felt top hat. Did these gain momentum during the country’s rave phase? I don’t remember them being a thing as a kid but man are they stupid looking. Really the only thing that these hats are good for is warning other people that you’re the absolute worst and they should avoid talking to you at all costs. Why not just go with a classic green baseball hat?
- Cheap shamrock print scarf. Yes there are many, many pretty prints that have shamrocks, but I’m not talking about those. Right around March 1st, my local Rite Aid starts stocking ridiculous St. Patrick’s Day accessories including poor quality shamrock scarves. Please stay away from them. Ladies, you don’t need to drape yourself in shamrocks. Try a plaid or paisley print scarf with some green in the pattern that will work all spring with a t-shirt and skinny jeans.
- Head to toe green, unless it’s your Green Man costume. March 17th is not a valid excuse for throwing on every green article of clothing and accessory you own and strutting around town like a show pony. You should not look foolish, you should never look foolish. Pick one or maybe two green pieces and stay true to your usual style. You can do it, I have faith in you.
- Orange. I know the Irish flag is green, white, and orange, but do yourself a favor and avoid orange, ok? First of all, must we be so literal in our fashion interpretations? And secondly, orange Irish is the wrong Irish today. I don’t have the time or energy to give you a history lesson, but when you wear orange you’re letting your ignorance show, and some actual Irish people may even be offended. Stick with green; if you want an accent color try gold, much less offensive and slightly whimsical.
Yes it’s fun to dress up for a theme, but the theme should never be “let’s go out looking like knuckleheads”. Emerald green is officially the color of 2013, so there are tons of options out there to go green with style. Do yourself and everyone who has to look at you on March 17th a favor and grab yourself something that actually looks good on you, don’t throw on any old green thing and call it a day, or St. Patrick will smite you.