So last night after I braved 2 hours of traffic, picked up my son, got him some dinner and asked my wonderful husband to pretty please cover homework so I could finally get some rest (thank you flu season!), I found myself flipping through the channels on TV. After wearing out the Channel +/- button for a while, I finally landed on the movie The Banger Sisters. At first glance I thought, total chick flick so not for me tonight, but I continued to watch it anyway. If you haven’t seen the movie here’s the short of it all; Lavinia and Suzette were major gal pals and groupies back in the day when Rock n Roll was God. They reconnect after 20 years to find that one (Suzette) is just as crazy as ever and the other (Lavinia) is a conservative mom and wife. Lavinia sort of rediscovers herself while being around Suzette again and realizes that in the midst of being a wife and mother she somehow lost herself. That got me thinking, how many of us have no idea who we are today?

When I was younger I was totally crazy. I was up for anything, any time. I dreamed of moving to L.A. and becoming a model or an actress and traveling all over the world. I never thought anything through and always believed my first instinct was the right one. I had a motto that if something wasn’t exciting it wasn’t worth doing and desired passion and romance in every single aspect of my life.

Fast forward 17 years and I see myself now; a mother, a wife, far more conservative than I ever thought I would be and far more likely to choose reality over fantasies and big dreams. I no longer make a single decision without a thorough thought process, and before I do anything at all I always first ponder, “How will this decision affect my family?” Now don’t get me wrong, I love my life and the people who fill it, but I seem to have days when I struggle to remember who I am. I struggle to find a balance between responsible and fun, reasonable and passionate, living and feeling alive.

So why is it that as women and as mothers and wives, we often feel we must abandon who we are to reach the next level of our lives? Now it’s true you cannot be a good mother and go out and party every night while completely ignoring the needs of your family, but you can still have fun and you can still be a little crazy.

Why do so many women feel once they have obtained the titles of “Mother” and “Wife” that they have to abandon the title of “Sexy”? True, a 50 year old woman in a glittery mini skirt is likely not a sight to see, but we should continue to seek out our inner bombshell regardless of age.

Why do so many women turn up their noses at the young girls dancing like mad or giggling like crazy with their friends? True, we may have a more serious life to deal with now then when we were 18 but that doesn’t mean we can’t still stir up a little bit of trouble on the weekends.

I also thought, why do we invest so much time in our husbands, jobs and children that we start forgetting about our friends? Sure, family does always come first but you can still commit to your family while reserving a crazy girl’s night a couple times a month.

So many of us exhaust ourselves trying to become this whole other person; wife, mother, career ball-buster, PTA member, soccer mom, etc that we forget about the most important title of all… (Please insert YOUR name here). At the end of the day no matter how many people and tasks you surround yourself with, at some point you’re still left all alone with yourself. Shouldn’t that constant companion be one you know and love?

So decide, do you want to feel at home with yourself knowing that while you have grown a bit, inside there is still a little of that firecracker girl just waiting to show her colors, OR do you want to fade away into the busy tasks of life and see a stranger gazing back at you in the mirror?

Who knows where these thoughts came from. Maybe I was in a cold med induced comma last night and my brain is still racing, maybe I’m a bit more emotional than usual thanks to Holidays rapidly approaching, or maybe since my 36th birthday is right around the corner I am beginning to miss a bit of the “Young Sian”. Either way, I still hope you see my point. There is a very fine and weak line between the girl you were and the woman you are; don’t cross it. Instead plant your feet on it firmly and grasp tight to both sides. It is possible to evolve without changing completely; it would be a shame to go too far in the wrong direction and never be able to find your way back.